I once attended an adult improv class just for fun. Most of the people there were actors working on their ability to express emotion, but the class was open to the public, and I thought it would be an interesting experience.
The energy in the room was fun and welcoming. Actors tend to enjoy playing off one another, and I found myself laughing and getting caught up in the activities.
One exercise, in particular, stayed with me.
It was called "What's That Supposed to Mean?"
Another participant and I were asked to role-play a car salesman and a potential buyer. The instructions were simple: begin a normal conversation, but after the other person said something completely harmless, respond with, "What's that supposed to mean?"
We were encouraged to become increasingly emotional, taking offense at ordinary comments and escalating the conversation. Eventually, the other person would try to calm things down by saying, "What I meant was..."
We started talking about the cars on the lot. When the potential buyer asked about the price of a car, I responded, "What's that supposed to mean?"
From there, I launched into an increasingly dramatic explanation about the hardships and problems at the dealership. The conversation became more ridiculous with every exchange, and we all laughed.
But something about the exercise struck me.
When the instructor first explained what we were going to do, I laughed because I recognized the behavior. Not just as an acting exercise, but as something I had experienced in my own everyday interactions.
Sometimes, someone says something, and I immediately wonder what they meant by it. Other times, I say something and sense that the other person has misunderstood me. I feel the need to explain myself, clarify my intentions, or make sure they don't walk away with the wrong impression.
I realized how much energy I could spend worrying about being misunderstood.
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
How often do we hear something and immediately attach meaning to it?
A comment feels like criticism. A question sounds like judgment. A simple observation feels personal.
Before we know it, we've reacted not just to the words someone said, but to the meaning we've assigned to them.
Sometimes our interpretation is accurate. But sometimes, we're responding to an assumption rather than the person's actual intention.
What if we paused for a moment instead?
Instead of immediately taking offense, we could consider another possibility. Instead of assuming we know what someone meant, we could ask for clarification.
And when someone misunderstands us, we don't always have to rush into defending or explaining ourselves. We can calmly say, "What I meant was..."
That small pause can change the direction of a conversation.
Give Yourself a Moment
We cannot control what other people say or how they interpret our words. But we can become more intentional about how we respond.
The next time something someone says catches you off guard, notice your reaction. Before deciding what they meant, give yourself a moment to consider another possibility.
Maybe it was criticism. Maybe it was curiosity. Maybe it was simply a comment that wasn't meant the way you received it.
And if you're unsure, ask.
Not every comment needs a defense, and not every misunderstanding needs to become a conflict.
Sometimes, a little curiosity and a willingness to clarify can create a much better interaction.
The next time you find yourself thinking, "What's that supposed to mean?" try pausing long enough to ask, "What else could they have meant?"
